I was talking to a friend this morning, who shall remain anonymous, and he said something that disturbed me.

He’s currently unemployed, with mouths to feed.

He wasn’t fired. He didn’t quit.

The company he worked for is experiencing a seriously bad run of luck, being hammered left and right with competition it can’t stand up to and his role as a technical lead (very technical lead) was made redundant. He is supremely qualified and survived three prior rounds of layoffs. This company is gasping its last breath.

He’ll find work again. His qualifications are great and and he has great motivation.

And when I asked him how things were going he said, and I quote, “Not that great, being unemployed, no money coming and not feeling like a man because I can’t provide for my family.”

Well, that’s just a crock of shit. And I told him that.

And while I can understand where he’s coming from, he needs to get rid of that last train of thought.

The brain is a perversely evil thing. The thoughts that tell me my current work in progress is suitable for nothing more than bird cage lining are the same as those telling him he’s “not a man”. If he reads this (unlikely, but I’ll talk to him again soon to reiterate the message), he needs to grab those thoughts by the throat and kick the ever-loving shit out of them. There’s no room for that kind of crap in your skull.

If you have these thoughts, stop for a second and remind yourself of all of the accomplishments you’ve got under your belt. And don’t be shy. You’re only sharing them with yourself. Be a bit cocky. Make a point of repeating all the good stuff and ignoring the bad stuff.

Through the course of your life there will be events you’re not proud of. That applies to everyone. But there are also event that you have every right to crow about. Stack the deck. Put all of the good ones in a pile and sweep the bad ones under a rug. This isn’t meant to be a fair fight. Your brain will want to balance the ledger, but your goal is to get yourself in the frame of mind of a winner.

Because there’s no way you will win if you’re dwelling on the negatives.

Sounds kinda Polly-Anna-ish, doesn’t it? A bit dishonest? Deluded? Who cares. The bottom line is that when you’re in a ditch you need to take the next step and you can’t do that unless you believe it’s the right step to take.

Go for it.

You can work on improving the other things, the ones you don’t like, later.